Wanted a Baby. . .Yesterday

As mentioned in my previous post “Wanted A Wife. . .Yesterday,” it perplexes me how turned off I am when a man makes his true intentions known too early. Take Baby Daddy for instance. . .

Baby Daddy sent me a simple, polite first message over Match.com. A few days later I replied with a similar response. Baby Daddy’s second message was “So, what’s with your ‘not sure’ opinion on having kids?” If you have never used Match.com, one of the questions on the profile questionnaire is if you have/want children. Obviously,based on what you have already read, I stated “not sure.”

I gave Baby Daddy the same reason Carrie Bradshaw gave Aleksandr Petrovsky on Sex and the City: “I’m 38.”

Baby Daddy’s reply is still a source of laughter among friends and co-workers. He stated he definitely wanted children and wanted to know if I would be open to In Vitro Fertilization. Mind you, I did not say I could not have children. Just simply pointing out I am approaching the age when I truly am not sure if I want children simply because it could put the child at a disadvantage.

I did not know how to respond, therefore, I never did respond.

Am I too critical of men who speak openly so soon? OR, did Baby Daddy go too far too soon?

Perhaps Baby Daddy should read the following article, filled with harsh realities about being an older father, from the Minneapolis Star Tribune written by #TimGihring

http://www.startribune.com/local/yourvoices/297923041.html

Should Age Matter?

I have recently encountered two situations pertaining to this very question. For years I have told myself “whether you fancy the man or not, take the compliment and know there is someone who finds you appealing.” Why, then, do I struggle with this coping mechanism when it comes to the elusive age gap?

About a month ago I met The German (name explanation forthcoming!) and we decided to meet for brunch on a Saturday afternoon. He told me he was forty-six years old. Honestly, he could pass for younger. Took care of himself physically. Balding, but not surprised considering his age. Had all of his teeth, at least the ones visible when smiling. Then came the blitzkrieg of information. His father was a veteran of World War II. In fact, his father met his mother while stationed in Germany (get the nickname reference!?).

Admittedly I suck at math. But, as a self-proclaimed history dork, I knew something was amiss. World War II ended in 1945. That is a full seventy years ago! In addition, when I asked about his short term and long term goals, The German laughed and promptly changed the subject.

Upon exiting the restaurant, we agreed to a second date, even though my sixth sense was screaming. About an hour after the date, The German called me.

He stumbled over his words.  I finally told him “It’s OK, just speak.” The German started by explaining “I’m an honest guy. . .” and immediately I knew he was going to admit to lying about his age (doesn’t that contradict his “honest guy” stance???). Then I thought to myself “He’s fifty-two.” A few seconds later, “I’m fifty-two.” Nailed it!

I was at a loss for words and just simply thanked The German for being honest. The next day I text him saying our age difference is too much. My paternal GRANDFATHER was a World War II veteran. My dad is nine years older than The German. His short term plan was retirement. I just couldn’t grasp the idea of dating someone fourteen years older than me.

On the opposite side of the spectrum. This past week a twenty-nine year old attorney has been messaging/texting me. If there are any men reading, why would a twenty-nine year man be interested in a thirty-eight year old woman? This situation, also, doesn’t feel right.

To be continued 🙂

Perhaps I should take advice from Huffington Post’s Amancay Tapia @amancaytapia

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amancay-tapia/older-womanyounger-man-and-why-age-has-nothing-to-do-with-love_b_6830780.html

Wanted a Wife. . .Yesterday

I’ve lived in two metropolitan areas throughout my adulthood. Shortly after I moved to the second, current, metro area, I had my first date. Why, ladies, we want a man who wants to commit. But, when they come too easy, we dart?

Since I prefer to protect my date’s names I shall nickname him Anxious Accountant.

The Anxious Accountant and I messaged each other a few times over Match.com. Exchanged phone numbers and text awhile. Then he called me. All of this happened within thirty-six hours. It was obvious he was looking for a serious relationship. Little did I know he was desperately looking for a wife.

Before the date, the Anxious Accountant text me a couple of times to “make sure the date was still on.” I was clearly seeing his desperation. Our one and only date began at a well-reviewed hangout. We engaged in basic dialogue, nothing red-flaggish, yet. We decided to go across the street for dinner. During dinner I learned the Anxious Accountant’s only furnishings in his entire condo is a bed and television. No couch, recliner, plates, utensils, cups. Nope. Nothing. He ate out for every meal. What this man was looking for was a woman to do all the interior decorating because “I don’t like to shop.”

The Anxious Accountant then brought up the issue of marriage. He clearly wanted to settle down; “I’m almost forty. It’s time.” He definitely wanted children; “That’s why I have the extra bedrooms.”

After dinner we walked around the city for awhile. This is when the personal, once-we’re-in-a-committed-relationship style questions came up. He first asked if I had ever cheated on a boyfriend. No, I have not. I volleyed the question back to the Anxious Accountant. When he was in college he did cheat on his girlfriend. But, only once! Then, out of nowhere, “have you ever been with a woman?” I was so taken aback my body snapped at him with a face of total disbelief. No, I have not. I quickly returned the question and asked if he had ever been with a man. The Anxious Accountant seemed surprised I asked such a question. Just trying to be fair, buddy!

The night ended with a friendly hug and goodbye. I text the Anxious Accountant the next day and told him I didn’t think we were a good match.

Am I too conservative of a dater to think his questions were too personal for a first date? Also, did I think too deep when I thought “If the guy is accustomed to rarely being home, would he change once he’s married and has children?” My answer to my own personal question was a resounding “NO!” Too critical?

For an amusing read why men want to be married, check out this link from the Huffington Post written by Taryn Hillin. Number fourteen just might crack you up 🙂

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/10/mens-thoughts-on-marriage_n_5799088.html

Neurotic Neurologist

Ever message someone online and think the person is quite the ideal match? That was my exact thought when the Neurologist and I began communicating on Match.com. Then, I met him in person. . .

Our first date took place at an upscale restaurant. He was dressed nice, carried a conversation well. One major flaw; he couldn’t make eye contact. Worse, the Neurologist looked away AND covered his eyes when he spoke to me. The date lasted not quite two hours and nearly the entire time I kept thinking “either he’s painfully shy or he’s repulsed by me.” He graciously walked me to my car but made no attempt at a kiss goodnight or even a hug. Just a simple “good-bye”. I didn’t hear from the Neurologist, which made me think he found me repulsive. Ouch!

Not sure how many of you have used/are using Match.com. They proffer Daily Matches. About two months after our date, Match paired me with the Neurologist. Apparently by doing this, it showed up that I viewed his profile. Within hours the Neurologist text me asking for a second date. I said yes because it was a relief to know he was not repulsed by me. I mean, seriously. What woman wants to go through life thinking this!?! Also, I was hoping he would be comfortable around me now that we have met in person. No more lack of eye contact.

The second date was at another upscale restaurant. The Neurologist’s conversational skills were slightly improved. He still looked away from me but did not cover his eyes. This time he was already talking long-term. It was January and he asked about plans for the summer. Then asked if I liked musicals, which I do. By saying yes, he immediately said he would buy tickets to the upcoming Rock of Ages musical. http://www.rockofagesmusical.com/  Didn’t feel very comfortable knowing I wasn’t asked if I wanted to go to the musical, just if I like musicals. Bit conniving, wouldn’t you say? The date ended exactly like the first; escort to the car and a simple good-bye.

I went to the third date with the intention to get the Neurologist to look at me. He sat to the right of me during the musical (which was phenomenal, by the way!). He never looked at me. Just stared straight ahead when he spoke. Even though I desperately tried to get him to look my way.

The Neurologist did not walk me to my car. My mannerisms and body language, I’m sure, gave away I was not interested.

Was I too critical of the Neurologist? If he wasn’t comfortable by the third date, would he ever be comfortable? Imagine sex without any eye contact!

Below is a potential explanation for the Neurologist’s behavior:

/www.quora.com/What-does-it-mean-if-someone-rarely-makes-eye-contact-when-speaking-to-people

Below is an excellent source on the importance of making eye contact in everyday life:

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/02/05/look-em-in-the-eye-part-i-the-importance-of-eye-contact/

Suicidal Journalist

I have a propensity to give my dates descriptive names once I realize a relationship is not meant to be. This particular man obtained his nickname by combining an unfortunate event in his life and his occupation. Here’s the story. . .

I met the Journalist on Match.com. He reached out to me first via message. After exchanging a few messages we decided to exchange phone numbers. After a few texts and one phone call, we decided to meet in person. We went bowling and drinks on our first date. I found the evening enjoyable and fun. The Journalist had a great sense of humor, easy to talk to and aesthetically pleasing to the eyes. While having drinks, I noticed a tattoo on his right forearm. There was a date, a recent date. When I inquired about the significance of the date the Journalist replied “That’s for a third or fourth date conversation.” That’s settled, I was definitely going on a second and third date with this guy. What can I say; I’m innately curious!

Second date, the Journalist and I attended a hockey game and had drinks afterwards. By this point I was realizing there wasn’t any chemistry between us. But, it was only the second date and now my friends and co-workers were on the sidelines waiting to hear the story of the tattoo.

Third date, we met at a local brewery. We talked for awhile and it was even more apparent the Journalist was going to end up in the Friend Zone. Just no chemistry. No spark. Or, as Carrie Bradshaw said, “no stomach flip.” Finally, when I was ready to leave, for good, I asked to know the story behind the date on his tattoo. My good readers, here it is. . .

The Journalist was married, had two daughters. Following the divorce, his wife was granted custody of the children. Shortly after the divorce he began dating a woman in another city. When he thought the relationship was getting serious he asked the woman to move to be closer to him. She declined. This led to a suicide attempt with the help of good friend Jim Beam and prescription medication. He woke up in the hospital the next day. That is the date tattooed on his forearm. Remember when I said it was a recent date?

Aside from knowing I was not interested in furthering our relationship, I was now convinced this man was too fragile for me. Yes, divorce and rejection are extremely stressful. Life is stressful. All our lives we are told there are trials and tribulations. Peaks and valleys. Good times and bad times. Lemons needing to be turned into lemonade. Whatever cliche` you prefer. This man clearly wasn’t interested in making lemonade. He didn’t want to go to trial. This woman needs a man who can face adversity like David, like Rosa Parks, like the Tuskegee Airmen.

And, from time to time, knows how to make lemonade.

This, by far, was not the worst of the dates I have experienced. In fact, for some hysterical online dating debacles, check out this Buzzfeed article by Spencer Althouse: http://www.buzzfeed.com/spenceralthouse/i-will-be-single-forever#.wwAvVpMn6.

Welcome and Enjoy!

This blog is intended for women interested in the latest trends, topics and research on issues we find pertinent in our lives.

The blog’s original artwork was designed and drawn by former student, RISD undergraduate and future artist extraordinare; Moriah Benton. The art encompasses the femininity of women pondering her options in one of her most intimate locations, her wardrobe. Abigail is in honor of the First Lady who once reminded her husband to “remember the ladies.”

I hope you all enjoy my little contribution of honoring this progressive woman’s request 🙂

SJH

Revenge Porn Constitute as Rape?

The other day I came across this article http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/09/12/florida-woman-victimized-by-nude-photos-fights-against-cyber-rape/ about a woman who decided to do what Time Magazine found four out of five college students engage in http://healthland.time.com/2011/07/25/how-many-college-kids-sext-four-out-of-five/ and the Daily Mail contended more men engage in than women http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2387833/Great-sexpectations-80-21-year-olds-received-raunchy-sext-messages-couples-worst-offenders.html. Sexting.

This young woman sent her then boyfriend some scathing photographs of herself which ended up online following their breakup. I won’t expose the entire article, but in the end the woman is now attempting to get the message out about “Revenge Porn,” when an ex shares private photos, videos, texts, etc., with the rest of the Internet world.

First, as EVERYONE should know, once it is online, it’s on there forever. Go ahead and delete or block, everything posted online is never really gone.

I feel for this young woman, but the logical, common sensical side of my brain ponders, why did she take and send these pictures in the first place? According to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, rape is defined as “to seize and take away by force.” Was the woman forced to take these photographs? Were they seized by her then boyfriend? According to the above article, both answers are a definite no. Yet, does that mean the ex-boyfriend should go unpunished? If anything, I appreciate the author, #CristinaCorbin, used the ex’s real, full name. If anything, he should be publicly shamed for making poor choices as the woman.

People throughout the world, including celebrities, are learning if you have something on an electronic device, such as a SmartPhone or computer, hackers can easily access the material. How do you suppose the nude photos and sex videos are founded? In fact, a hacker can tap into your computer’s camera at any moment.

With all of that said, I ask again, why did this woman take such photos with her phone then send them?

I would like feedback from my readers. The woman’s argument she wants Revenge Porn to be labeled cyber-rape and should be banned in all fifty states, perhaps by the federal government. Which then leads to an entirely new topic: since the law and courts cannot keep up with technology, what are their options?

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