Ever message someone online and think the person is quite the ideal match? That was my exact thought when the Neurologist and I began communicating on Match.com. Then, I met him in person. . .
Our first date took place at an upscale restaurant. He was dressed nice, carried a conversation well. One major flaw; he couldn’t make eye contact. Worse, the Neurologist looked away AND covered his eyes when he spoke to me. The date lasted not quite two hours and nearly the entire time I kept thinking “either he’s painfully shy or he’s repulsed by me.” He graciously walked me to my car but made no attempt at a kiss goodnight or even a hug. Just a simple “good-bye”. I didn’t hear from the Neurologist, which made me think he found me repulsive. Ouch!
Not sure how many of you have used/are using Match.com. They proffer Daily Matches. About two months after our date, Match paired me with the Neurologist. Apparently by doing this, it showed up that I viewed his profile. Within hours the Neurologist text me asking for a second date. I said yes because it was a relief to know he was not repulsed by me. I mean, seriously. What woman wants to go through life thinking this!?! Also, I was hoping he would be comfortable around me now that we have met in person. No more lack of eye contact.
The second date was at another upscale restaurant. The Neurologist’s conversational skills were slightly improved. He still looked away from me but did not cover his eyes. This time he was already talking long-term. It was January and he asked about plans for the summer. Then asked if I liked musicals, which I do. By saying yes, he immediately said he would buy tickets to the upcoming Rock of Ages musical. http://www.rockofagesmusical.com/ Didn’t feel very comfortable knowing I wasn’t asked if I wanted to go to the musical, just if I like musicals. Bit conniving, wouldn’t you say? The date ended exactly like the first; escort to the car and a simple good-bye.
I went to the third date with the intention to get the Neurologist to look at me. He sat to the right of me during the musical (which was phenomenal, by the way!). He never looked at me. Just stared straight ahead when he spoke. Even though I desperately tried to get him to look my way.
The Neurologist did not walk me to my car. My mannerisms and body language, I’m sure, gave away I was not interested.
Was I too critical of the Neurologist? If he wasn’t comfortable by the third date, would he ever be comfortable? Imagine sex without any eye contact!
Below is a potential explanation for the Neurologist’s behavior:
Below is an excellent source on the importance of making eye contact in everyday life: